In an attempt to prove what I’ve always suspected, that the Canadian government doesn’t really do anything, Stephen Harper has, in what will soon be coined “pulling a Harper”, prorogued Parliament again, pushing the original Jan. 25 start date to March 3. So as we are all forced to recover from a booze and nicotine fueled holiday (my therapist keeps insisting that this isn’t the way most people celebrate the holidays. She may be right, though I honestly can’t remember) and head back to work, our elected officials will be sleeping in and enjoying repeated viewings of Avatar 3D without having to wait in line (though they won’t all receive the same personal screening, in a Secret Service cleared and guarded theatre, that President Obama and his family were treated to in Hawaii recently).

Now we could take this all at face value, looking at the simple explanations for the whole thing. Sure we could listen to what the officials say, and just believe that Harper needs time to focus on the new Economic plan, or we could listen to the opposition partys’ belief that Harper is trying to avoid an investigation into the torture of a group of Afghani detainees, or even simply that Harper’s just trying to prove that the Conservatives can’t be pushed around this year. All those seem like very obvious reasons for the pulling of a Harper, and those are the reasons that most other journalists will jump at, because it doesn’t take any hard investigation.

Luckily for you I learned journalism on the streets, and on the streets if something seems too good to be true it usually is. So I spent a little time digging and, after ruling out that this has something to do with Harper needing to go to the robot factory for maintenance, I’ve gotten to the bottom of it all. Harper simply wants to attend the Olympics (that or compete in the Olympics, though the mandatory physical will cause some problems, Harper being a Robot and all), without having to worry about running Canada. And there you go, the real reason revealed.

So, good try guys, but you have to wake up pretty early in the morning to pull a quick one on me. (Ha! political reasons for why we’re postponing parliament, good one guys.)

Sure, we could have all fallen for the idea that Harper wants to use these two months to make sure his appointing of five new Conservative party senators (a policy that Harper has planned to reform, opting for elected senators, but will take advantage of while he can) goes off without a hitch. Of course we could have fallen for that, and you would have, if I wasn’t so savvy. No, the logical explanation here is that Harper wants to try and prove that he is not a robot by attending the Olympics and catching some curling matches, figure skating competitions, and a little Cross-country Skiing (Because, as we all know, the only thing Robots really like doing is the work of fifty humans).

This is a once in a lifetime chance for Harper; the odds that the Olympics will come back to Canada while Harper is still able to get Prime Minister treatment are one in a billion (actually, taking into consideration how little Canadians like change, I’ll make that one in a million). So give the guy a break. In fact I think the Opposition should be thanking Harper, at least now they have two months where they don’t have to pretend to be busy (whereas my boss keeps yelling at me because I’m slurring my words).

Nathaniel is a twenty-three year old kid who spends too much time thinking about the state of the world, and even more time trying to make it funny. He currently resides in Vancouver, where he works in the film industry and wishes he lived closer to the beach.