I’m a writer and I’m sure I have a unique problem. I have so many creative ideas flashing through my brain that I can’t sleep at night. Every time I go to Village Foods for grocery shopping I end up writing a poem or even a paperback romance novel. Sometimes I skip meals in case they inspire me to write a sonnet. I’m terrified of the dentist because I often come away and write a wildly successful thriller story that Stephen King begs me to sell him.

Gabby, I’m so tired of being so creative. Is there any way to deliberately induce writer’s block? I hear it’s quite common among writers and I’m sure if I could get a hold of it then I could sleep soundly every once in a while. What do you think?

Move over Danielle Steele …

Dear Move over:

Try enrolling in a doctoral programme at the University of Victoria. I’m certain that the first time you sit at the computer to start your thesis, writer’s block will become a reality.

You might also check in with your doctor and mention the words “delusions of grandeur”.

Dear Gabby:

I think I may have caught a computer virus. I recently opened several attachments on my computer and now I have a headache. Last night I came down with a fever. My arms and legs ache. My skin tingles. My inner ear itches. Should I worry?

On-line and afraid

Dear on-line:

Don’t worry. When you open these types of emails you tend to get even more emails about cheap methods to enlarge certain body parts and how to lose 50 pounds in 10 days. Who knows, you might even get emails from someone who wants to offer you a low cost massage or transfer several thousand dollars into your bank account from Nigeria. This could be your lucky day.

Dear Gabby:

The woman I’m currently seeing is cat mad. She has at least 50 of them in the house and many more feral cats outside that she “looks after”. She sleeps with cats all over the bed. I really like her and would like to have a long-term relationship with her, but I can’t stand all these cats. They’re everywhere.

I’ve tried to talk to her and convince her that “normal” people don’t live like this. That it’s fine to love animals in general and cats in particular, but 50 plus is too much, She says that if I love her then I’d love the cats.

Gabby, I do love her. I’d just like to see her alone without cats climbing all over me. I’d like a romantic dinner for two not fifty-two. I’d like to relax on her sofa without the constant meowing.

What should I do?

Puss’n Boots

Dear Puss:

Now, this might sound a bit obvious, but have you tried taking your woman friend to your place? Presumably the cats don’t travel with her. If they do, I suggest running in the opposite direction. Very fast.